I like my money right where I can see it – hanging in my closet

If you’re in search of an entry with cute outfit photos and some cheery description to boot, then this is not the entry for you. I’d rather you scroll up, down or better yet, hover your mouse on the upper right part of your screen and click on the X button. I took an oath to make this blog as personal as it can get the moment I declared it on my sidebar. It’s like carving it on a tree or a stone tablet or something. I am ducking under the outfit blogging radar to give way to thoughts leaking out of my head. This blog is, after all, a virtual freedom wall of some sort.

So last week, I outdid myself for dropping about 85% of my half month’s salary for – yes, you guessed it right, new clothes. When not in the mall, I hit the virtual mall and last week I shopped for about 10 separates, give or take, in one sitting. (I know such figure is nothing for some but--) I can’t even imagine how that came about when I was in the office the entire time. Oh, and pleeeeaze girl, don’t even get me started with Topshop’s end of season sale! *snaps fingers*

Forgive me, but I used to think identifying yourself to having “spending problem” or “compulsive shopping disorder”  is nothing but a #conyoproblem [for the #conyogirlfriend]. But truth is, it’s just as serious as having a drug addiction problem or a drinking problem. I neither deny nor confirm my susceptibility to this but from how I see myself; it’s probably compulsive shopping that gets the best of me. What I once considered to be a seasonal balm for lull moments, turned out to be a battlefield I permit myself to engage in monthly since 2009. Claiming to have a “spending problem” and declaring it for the world to see is not something to be proud of; neither is it a social status symbol worthy of flaunting.

Superficially speaking, there’s no greater high than being fully draped in beautiful clothing. The sense of empowerment and confidence it gives off; not to mention, its capacity to mask my emotional scars so seamlessly. I easily get smitten by beautiful clothes and my inability to resist temptation is starting to take its toll. I despise having to rely on something tangible to make me feel like this. I mean, why can’t I just feel beautiful on my own, regardless of what I wear? I guess I have yet to learn about that. #wordvomit

The other day, I found myself literally shaking when I laid eyes on the most beautiful flippy skirt. Excitement so severe I seriously thought I would get sick (my office mates thought I fell into some form of trance!haha). To make matters worse, my heart started beating irregularly too! I also have an issue about severing the price tag off my newly bought clothes, there’s just something so sentimental about it? I like to keep them in their pristine condition for as long as I can. Frankly, I still have clothes from last year with tags intact -- and by last year, I meant 2011 Topshop end of season sale! Does that, even in the slightest sense, make me a hoarder? HELLO, Intervention anyone? :( Halfway through the first month and I have brought nothing but disappointment – in the form of a new wardrobe. The good part though, there has not been any plastic-swiping involvement for the past 3 months.

Nothing really says therapy like retail therapy; shopping can be an important source of creativity and even healing but everything done in excess can spin out of control.  I really don’t know where this entry is going but I’m publishing it not for people to mock me or to poke fun at, but to benchmark where I’m heading from this day forward. Earth to Anaaa! I can’t keep on busting my arse to work in order to sustain a certain lifestyle and cave in to all my wants-- which after all, is insatiable. It’s time to make smarter choices, put a halt to this and take drastic measures. I’m issuing a temporary restraining order (for myself) against any Topshop branch I might run into. It’s a no-brainer, I palpitate just to plain sound of Topshop.  #ihaveabadfeelingaboutthis

WHEW! Okay, you have reached the bottom part of my entry. It’s either of two things: 1) you’re bored or 2) You’ve been nodding from paragraph to paragraph (in dis/agreement). Addressing the problem is just step numero uno but why don’t you head over and click THIS to assess yourself. One day, I might re-read through this, cringe to this maarte truth and take this entry down. But for the time being, if you’ve something to say, let’s take it to the comment box below, shall we? ;)